


To your own self be true

by Elesianne



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Romance, Years of the Trees, or discussion of it at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elesianne/pseuds/Elesianne
Summary: Nerdanel's mother gives Nerdanel advice as she prepares to leave the family home.
Relationships: Fëanor | Curufinwë/Nerdanel, Nerdanel & her mother
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Feanorian Week 2020





	To your own self be true

'Do not lose yourself in him', Nerdanel's mother Tyelpefindien warns her daughter. 'I know that you have a firm will of your own but Fëanáro is the kind of man that one could lose oneself in, or for.'

'I know that, mother.' Nerdanel chooses not to take offense at her mother's words. She keeps going through her things, deciding what to take with her when she moves with Fëanáro to the little cottage near her parents' house, and what she will leave here for her younger sister.

Her mother continues, 'And while he probably doesn't want you to, since he does appear to love you with all of his fire-heart, he is young and self-centred enough that he might not notice burning you.'

'He doesn't want to hurt me. He would rather hurt himself', Nerdanel says. She sorts books into two piles, putting them down a little more forcefully than she should. She cannot help but be hurt by her mother's words about her beloved.

'As I said, he might not even notice.' Tyelpefindien comes to her daughter, laying her hand on her back. 'Nerdanel, my eldest and wisest, he has not the wisdom of heart that you have. You must be careful with him, not just patient like you are with everyone. Do not love him more than you love yourself.'

'I have been careful', Nerdanel replies, straightening from her task to look at her mother. 'He would have married me the day he met me if he had his will, I know. I made him wait until I had judged his character and his attachment to me more.

'But – it is – mother, it does not feel like much of a choice. He is mine, and I am his, and if we did not bind ourselves to each other in marriage, I feel that our spirits would still be… always looking for the other, and not finding. And for we would be less strong and happy and capable of making fair things. I cannot imagine this passing even with the passing of untold years.'

After a moment Tyelpefindien says to her daughter, 'I know what you mean. It was the same for me and your father. Perhaps this… hastiness in attachment is something that is passed on in our family, though we are not known as hasty otherwise.'

Nerdanel sees her mother with new eyes. 'I did not know that it was like this for you and father.'

Tyelpefindien smiles. 'There are many secrets that parents keep from their children, as you will come to learn. And there are few things that parents don't worry about when it comes to their children, and I cannot help worrying that your beloved's fierceness and pride that can be a force for great things might have a dangerous side. I worry that in pursuing so wholeheartedly whatever he wants might make him forget that what you want may not always be the same as what he desires.'

'Mother.' Nerdanel takes her mother's hands and looks into her eyes, dark grey and serious like her own. 'I promise that if I truly have to choose between being true to him or to my own self, I will choose myself. Does that make you happy?'

Tyelpefindien's stern look softens. 'Happier. And I am happy; for the love you found, I am very happy, Nerdanel. It is the best thing that one can find, if it proves enduring and true. And that only time can tell.'

Nerdanel lets her mother kiss her cheek but when Tyelpefindien tells her to pack her thinnest nightgowns only because her husband 'will keep you warm at night, darling, that is after all one of the chief duties of a husband', she yelps and tells her that the conversation is over.

Tyelpefindien smiles wistfully when she closes her daughter's bedroom door behind her, thinking of the precious days of young love.

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon that Nerdanel inherited her skill of hand from her father but her wisdom from her mother. The title is of course a modernised version of Polonius' advice 'To thine own self be true' to his son in Hamlet.
> 
> The parallels between the things Nerdanel and her mother discuss in this and the way Carnistir and Tuilindien feel about each other in [Your spirit calling out to mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8756014/chapters/20070814) are intentional. Perhaps that hastiness in attachment is indeed passed down Nerdanel's line.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I would love to hear what you thought of this :)
> 
> I'm also on [Tumblr](https://elesianne.tumblr.com).


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